So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
