pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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