we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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