dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
