so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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