apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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