Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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