Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
