WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
