Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
