You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
