dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
