Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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