You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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