o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
