and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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