there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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