she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
3pm strippers are depressing
I will be naked everywhere
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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