wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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