i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just took my morning after pill in the library
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
