so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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