just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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