You just made me feel so damn special
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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