Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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