Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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