I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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