I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
