Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
