remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
