I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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