he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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