I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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