my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
