fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
