Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
