overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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