remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
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