The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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