ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
