so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
