I just cut my nipple shaving
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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