they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
