Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
