I want to walk on stilts...naked
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
