I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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