you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
