Fine. I'll sleep in my office
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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