At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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