North Korea, Best Korea!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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