I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
