Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
