Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
