A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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