The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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