So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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