if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
