I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Randomize
