I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Randomize
